God is weaving these happenings together just for me. I can feel it. The timing of what I’m reading, the words that cross my screen, pages of books, utterances of friends known and unknown. He brings these beautiful people who smile as they approach and wave as they walk away. I didn’t know them before, and now I feel as though I do.

I watch the photos change one by one, remembering each face as it comes, remembering even which ones come next on some frames. I know these faces, but I wish I knew their hearts. I long to read their words, all of them, to know what brought them to this time and place, their hurts and their celebrations and challenges and failings and dreams and fears.

Why would He let them come if I am not to know their thoughts?

I read of bubbles and light and children’s laughter and I remember. My throat constricts and I swallow pain wanting the release of weeping. Not yet.

He gave me this time. This time, right now.

Chapter 4 is where I started underlining. I’ve found plenty worthy of highlighting in the first three chapters, but the fourth is where I couldn’t restrain myself and my hand reached out and grabbed my pen and dove for the page.

I was struck while watching the video by the connection between Eucharisteo and Communion. We commonly call “communion” the “eucharist”. I hadn’t made the connection, until now, between what we call “communion”–the breaking of bread and drinking of the cup in remembrance of Him–and close, intimate communication with Him. Communion. Togetherness. In the here and now, this moment.

Life is an emergent sea.

He said, “Taste and see that the Lord is good.”

I am all here right now, in this moment with Him, the I AM.

This is where true living happens.
This is where I learn why I live.
This is where I am free to truly love this life.

Ann said, “I just want enough time.”

I found the Family Journal yesterday and read quotes from the kids when they were little, and it hit me hard how precious each thought was and is, how valuable each childlike word. I suddenly feel old and a little lost as I ponder the little one of three quoted moments before now preparing to turn twenty. The years took wing and hurried on too fast and here I am at the dining table brushing teardrops off an old beat-up purple notebook falling apart at the spiraled edges and stained with chocolate.

Bubbles burst and float away. I only have these moments for a too-tiny bit of time. God, why do they have to be so fragile?

Wait. This focus feels all wrong. This isn’t about wishing I could go back and relive and appreciate more. Those moments had their time, and I did appreciate them in the best way I could with what I knew then. I think it’s okay to wish I had known then what I know now, but it won’t help to spend too many moments wishing for what is past, when I could spend those same moments appreciating the sunlight shimmering in the now.

I might be onto something.

Ann: “I just want time to do my one life well.”

What does that mean, “to do my one life well”? How does one live a life well?

Seed: I am gently reminded to grasp at, to be aware of, to describe in vivid detail, to capture and preserve in whatever creative forms possible, to be thankful for…each single moment and the multi-faceted gift it is.

Water: I am constantly, fervently, longingly praying for more awareness, more alertness to the gifts. I want to live fully awake. Fully alive. Fully aware.

Bloom: Thankfulness, joyful gratitude, the resulting grace. That, I think, is how one lives a life well.

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4 thoughts on “Ch. 4: Enough Time

  1. Hi Lisa, I popped over from the book club to read the rest of your thoughts on chapter 4. My children are grown as well, so these words of yours really spoke to my heart since I've found myself wishing I had known then what I know now. "This isn't about wishing I could go back and relive and appreciate more. Those moments had their time, and I did appreciate them in the best way I could with what I knew then. I think it's okay to wish I had known then what I know now, but it won't help to spend too many moments wishing for what is past, when I could spend those same moments appreciating the sunlight shimmering in the now." Thanks for sharing!

  2. Ahh the memories of our little ones, when they were little ones. We remember, we get misty, we smile, and we go on to make new memories with these young adults that stand before us today. Eucharisteo…thanksgiving. We're thankful for the time we had, the time we have, and the times yet to come. We have been so blessed.Thank you for your beautiful way with words, Sis.

  3. Ah Lisa, we are kindred spirits! (grin)This lesson I am learning – this alone is worth it all to me.Thank you for fleshing it out even more, to let the edges spread a little further, saturate a little deeper.What blessings He brings! You!By His Grace,Amy

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