I’ve been writing a lot lately. Journal-keeping, jotting, thinking on paper, brainstorming, sorting through book material.
And all the while, God is stirring.
And my husband, strong and gentle and always whispering those little encouragements to me, just keeps on cheering, nudging me to keep pressing on until I know exactly what God is stirring in my heart. And when I get there, I know he will still be right here beside me holding my hand and telling the world, “Just look at her! Isn’t she amazing? Just wait till you read what she’s written!” And I will blush and he will grin and I will be reminded once again that I married the best guy on the planet, that guy I first saw at a stop-light, me all of fifteen.
So right now, that is my search. To see what God is stirring. Because He whispered those words to me through my dear Jo Ann with her unknowing that she was a messenger that day when we talked of illness and change and hope, that day when God also whispered to my heart to reach back one more time and pick up something I had thought was dead.
How many times has He brought life from death among my tentative steps? And now, He ignites once again a call I know He has had on me all along. I pick it up again, this time to hold fast. This time, I won’t lay it down.
Pastor said tonight that God equips the called, and not the other way around. That we can’t use excuses like we aren’t qualified, or we don’t have enough experience, or we are weak. He reminds us that through our weakness He is made strong, because who gives glory to God like those who realize how frail they truly are?
So I can’t use the excuse that there are millions of people out there just like me wanting to write a book. I can’t say that many of them write far more beautifully than I do, that they know the right people and they are more marketable and who am I but a wild child growing older but not up and in love with words.
I have nowhere to hide. And I don’t even want to hide. I just want to say, “Okay, God. Here I am. Let’s do this.”
I’m not scared, but I am a little nervous. This is an arduous process, writing. Not for the faint of heart.
I just want to be all in, nothing held back, pliable in His hand for whatever He is stirring in me. Because I know He is stirring. I can feel it. And it gets stronger with each day that passes and the drive to write becomes more urgent and I know this is what I was created to do.
It’s quite a concoction He is stirring. I hope the world is ready.