musings1- I love doing for others, but what I don’t often reveal is how much I long to know that what I do is appreciated.

2- Whether or not my official love language is “Quality Time” or “Acts of Service”, when you take the time to do something for me, you tell me you love me in a way that goes beyond words.

3- I realize I’m not yet an “old lady”, but sometimes I feel like one. I still need to know that I have value in this world beyond making dinner for a crowd and then cleaning up alone after the party.

4- I am free with showing affection, but sometimes I just need a random hug from someone who cares. Please don’t assume my ready smile means everything is perfect. Do you love me enough to listen for what others can’t hear?

5- I hate the hormonal fluctuations that come with my age. I really am doing all I can to make myself less grouchy and irritable, and when you understand and love me anyway, you bless me.

6- Guilt is not a weapon I purposely wield against people who love me. You will never know how much I keep to myself, how often my pillow is the only witness to a sadness I probably couldn’t even word.

7- I am not invincible. I will not always be here, and I don’t often mention it—partly for fear of the guilt factor, and partly because I don’t want to face my own mortality. Please don’t wait until the end to whisper your heart in tones of regret. Love on me now, while we can still smile and cry together.

8- I worry too much because my love is not surface-deep. It is not my goal to be melodramatic or draw attention to myself or annoy those I fret over. Remember, I’ve been around a while and have experienced things you can’t readily imagine. There’s a lot to mull over in the middle of the night when I can’t go back to sleep.

9- I want to know that while my children are all grown up my nest will never be truly empty. It took years to build, and it’s plenty strong enough to hold up when everyone’s around.

10- I am so much more than what you see. If you take a moment in your busyness to look a little deeper, you’ll see that I am still the girl I once was—still pretty, still vibrant, still energetic, still talented, still valuable to the world. Don’t miss me now. Please. I’m right here.

 

 

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Featured at Write Where It Hurts

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6 thoughts on “10 Musings of a Middle-Aged Mama

  1. This is an amazing post … truly. I see vulnerablity here, and so often we shy away from exposing that side of ourselves. Through thorns, the rose emerges beautiful. Love you, my dear sister … and your beautiful heart.

    1. Vulnerability nettles a little, and reminds me of when I was little and heard (a few times too many) people tell me to dry it up and stop trying to get attention, to suck it up and stop whining. I grew up avoiding anything that might suggest I want attention. That avoidance grew into a fear of showing any kind of sadness or discontent with anything in life. So yeah. It nettles a bit. Thank you. I love you, too. More than I can say.

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