Over the past few years a deep desire has taken root within my heart to be a God chaser. And I chased Him. Some. But slowly He has begun to take that spark and ignite it into a deep hunger that won’t be satisfied with a mere taste of His presence. No, I know better now. I feel like I’ve been with Him, and I know what it feels like. There is no going back.
It affects my every thought and action. My introspection is no longer focused on myself, how I’m doing, if I’m growing, how I feel. It’s on Him. It’s on just how close I can get to Him. Can I reach out and touch His face without my hand burning up? Can I look into His eyes and not go blind? I must know the answer, and I’m willing to take the risk. I feel I must risk it or die.
Someone said in class we attended a few years ago that we are too familiar with God. That our ‘ease’ with Him makes us disrespectful. I can’t swallow that one. The non-confrontational side of me wanted to fudge and say, “Oh, well, I can understand what you mean…” but the truth is, I can’t. I can’t believe God wants to hold me at arms’ length.
Don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t want to saunter up to the Almighty and quip, “Yo, big daddy, whussup?” I don’t mean the kind of familiarity that loses sight of Who He is. I mean the kind a child exhibits with a parent who loves beyond all reason. The kind that grows out of a love that sent His only Son to die so I could run up to Him and cry, “Abba, Father!” and jump into His arms.
I remember one evening sitting at church and just longing for Him. There was an empty in my soul nothing else could fill, and the need was palpable. I remember how I closed my eyes, squinted them shut half-hoping when I opened them He would be standing there.
He wasn’t standing there, but I did experience an awareness of His presence that could only have come directly from Him. It is a feeling I won’t ever forget. And to think it was only a tiny glimpse of what Heaven will be like when we are with Him forever.
He showed up that night. I knew He would. He returned my song as I lifted it up to Him and He smiled at me. I asked Him to be there and He came.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jer. 29:13
Believe it, dear friend. He will come when you call.
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