2012 in review

Thought I would share the WordPress 2012 Report on my blog here with all of you. Thank you for being a part of my year and allowing me to be a part of yours. I love you all.

 

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,700 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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When you don’t “do” friendship

“I don’t do friendship.” Her face was calm and without malice as she spoke the words.

I stared for a moment. “You mean, at all?” I was incredulous, but somewhere in my spirit I was intrigued.

“Oh, no, I mean close friendship. You know, bosom buddies, BFF’s, that sort of thing.”

I wasn’t sure whether to be sad for her resignation or glad to know there’s another soul on the planet in my boat.

I had to know more. “Were you burned by friends in the past?”

Her gaze moved to something far off, her brow wrinkling. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. But it’s more than that. It…it’s hard to explain in a way that makes sense. I know this is going to sound completely off-the-wall, but…well, my husband is my best friend, and I don’t feel like I need another one.”

This was too much. Her, too? There were two of us?

She continued, looking back at me with gentle eyes. “I think it’s a lesson I’m supposed to be learning or something. Every time I have tried to get really close with another woman, something always happens. And I don’t mean just normal stuff. I mean that sudden out-of-nowhere volcano eruption that cuts deep, that severs something that can’t be fully repaired. I feel like God is closing the door on these deep friendships because He wants me to depend on Him and on my husband for that kind of closeness.”

I shifted uncomfortably. This girl needed to get out of my head!

“I know it all sounds really crazy.” When she smiled her eyes glistened. “I don’t talk about it much because not many people get it. And honestly, I get why they don’t get it. It sounds like I’m nuts.”

My voice cracked a little when I spoke. “Actually I don’t think you’re nuts at all.”

“You don’t? Wow. That might be a first.” She chuckled then.

“I thought it was just me with feelings like this.” I shrugged, uncertain of how much to reveal. Ironic, I thought, given how guarded she obviously kept herself. “It sure was simpler when we were children, wasn’t it?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” she hurried on to say. “I am not anti-friend, at all. I’m just doubting the wisdom in me being really close with another woman in friendship. I don’t put this on anyone else, believe me. In some ways it’s rather lonely. But to be truthful, not living life waiting for the eruption? Well, there’s a lot to be said for the peace that comes with that.

I nodded. She had given me much to ponder. I wondered if her being a pastor’s wife had anything to do with the depth of her conviction in what she had shared. I’ve known a few pastors’ wives, and they all seem to struggle with friendship because people tend to either idolize or vilify them (and usually both). I’m not a pastor’s wife, but I could totally relate to her thoughts. Maybe a little more than I was prepared to fully consider.

But I do have some thinking to do.

When everything is peeled back but the real

I think I was born in the wrong error.

I’ve been talking with several people I know lately about writing through the mess, tossing aside the masks, getting down to the real. Welp, you can believe me when I say my journal has gotten a workout.

How many more times, God? How many? Am I just that thick-headed? How many times do I have to go down this road before I get it? Am I that much of a glutton for punishment, or am I just stupid?

I’m always grateful for my journal, for the beautiful leather-bound invitation to grab a pen and be myself. I’ve seldom been more myself than I have lately. Whatever that means.

I’m doubting that I will ever publish a book. I’m doubting that I even want to any more. I’m questioning a lot right now. I have some major decisions to make, but I want to make them from a place of peace, a place of resolution and not chaos and hurt. I suppose I can at least be grateful I have the presence of mind to recognize that, and beyond that to articulate it.

Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you.
Marsha Norman

Well, that’s a relief. I’ll be watching with interest to see what my soul comes up with.

I will never stop writing, until God stills my fingers. I’m just not sure any more that the end goal for me is a book. I’m not sure what the end goal for me is at all, but I will always write as long as I have fingers and a few brain cells.

It could be that I’m just supposed to help other people write. Maybe I was born to be a supporting actor. If so, then I pray for the grace to embrace that without complaint.

In “The Holiday”, Iris said, “You’re supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for God’s sake!” I suppose I still am the star of my own life, but it just might be that my shine won’t be quite as brilliant as I once thought. Or hoped. Or dreamed about as a far-too-innocent little girl. I need to be okay with that.

I think I am.

The Respect Dare

As a youngster I had a reputation for not being able to resist taking a dare. Once in a while it would take a double-dare, and on the rare occasion that I held out long enough for a triple-dog-dare-ya I rarely could turn it down. It got me into a lot of trouble, and I still have the scars to prove it.

I triple-dog-dare you to pick up a copy of The Respect Dare by Nina Roesner, releasing Dec. 11, 2012.

This dare won’t get you into trouble, but it is very likely to help you out of it. The most likely outcome is a stronger husband/wife bond, deeper peace in relationship, more effective communication, and a better marriage overall.

I promise you, this is one dare you won’t want to pass up.